When your life changes, sometimes it hurts. I personally don't like change. It makes me uncomfortable. I have had so many changes in my life the past 5 years. From all my boys being sick, me being sick, my husband being sick and me being healed. Yes, I said healed, God healed me from diabetes in a year and 2 months. In my 20's He healed me from fibroid tumors, and in my 30's a nervous breakdown. I'm thankful and I know Him as a healer.
When my husband passed after a year and 5 months from throat cancer I just didn't get that one. I felt so confused. I felt like I was being punished, like a big weight had been put on my shoulders. I didn't realize it then. God had already prepared me for my husband's death, I know me, but not as well as God does, I wasn't ready for the change. Prepared, but not ready. Doesn't make sense I know, but it too soon did. I didn't get a fighting chance to think and pray for cancer to leave. I was totally blindsided by my own unacceptable attitude. I cried, I was mad, yes, I was mad, at myself. I blamed myself, I fell into a light depression and I just stopped. I'd cry at night and ask God, when will I be ok with this, because I'm trying and I can't wait until night time when everyone is asleep and no one is around to cry. Because I don't want anyone to know how I feel. I wondered how I got that way, and then I wouldn't allow myself to remember anything.
Change. No more Tom, no more jokes, no more arguing, no more bible talk, no more people talking with him for what seemed like forever, no more anything. Change. I finally got to the point where I could breathe. I didn't realize I held my breath because I didn't want to accept what God was telling me about my husband.
Denial. It hits hard if you don't prepare yourself for that hit. I took a small vacation from life. I talked with God until I fell asleep on a nightly basis. I wasn't sleeping much as it was. Change. Some days I thought that I would never make it. I was just exercising my faith and believing God would come through for me. Change...when your life changes. It changes you. My boys are still sick acknowledging God, and God is still in control, and they are healthy. Believing God on their own for healing. I still have some bad days, but I have made amends with the changes in my life. I am ready now though to return back to bible studies. I love teaching as much as I love learning, and I just couldn't do it because of the change that had taken place in my life. Instead of using this to build myself up, I let it tear me down. Thank God I serve a living, loving, powerful, God that had my best interest at heart. He allowed me to breathe, regroup, and come back refreshed.
I know we all have different things going on in our lives and I just want to be that vessel to help share my life and also avail myself to others for help in whatever areas I can help in. I hope this post have been of some use for you all.
As always, before I end this blog post, I would like to extend an invitation to anyone that wants to receive Jesus as their Lord and Savior. If so just recite this prayer:
Lord Jesus, I repent of my sins and surrender my life to You. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God. That he died on the cross for my sins and rose again on the third day for my Victory, I believe that in my heart and make confession with my mouth, that Jesus is my Lord and Savior.
If you recited this prayer, then you are saved according to Romans Chapter 10 verses 9 and 10. If you don't have a bible, try to invest in one and if you don't have a church, please search for a good bible teaching, truth speaking church. Pray and God to send you to the right church, he will answer. I am so proud of you and I would like to welcome you to the family.
If you need someone to talk to please don't hesitate to email us here at info@urbeauty4asheswm.com. Someone will reach out within 24 hours of receiving your email. Remember, I love you with the love of the Lord. Til next post, be blessed.
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