Do you ever wonder if you have what it takes to make God proud? I do all the time. Let me tell you a little bit about what I mean.  Some of us are saved and are not fulfilling our part of the call. It's not for us to debate this thing, we are commanded to go into all the earth after salvation and preach the gospel to those who are lost. You are built for this. God knows our paths and no matter how we fight and try to stop His will, we are only going to slow down our own progressive path. God has a perfect and permissive will, why fall into the permissive will, when the perfect is so.....well, perfect. 

When your life changes, sometimes it hurts. I personally don't like change. It makes me uncomfortable. I have had so many changes in my life the past 5 years. From all my boys being sick, me being sick, my husband being sick and me being healed. Yes, I said healed, God healed me from diabetes in a year and 2 months. In my 20's He healed me from fibroid tumors, and in my 30's a nervous breakdown. I'm thankful and I know Him as a healer. 

So, I know I'm not your average, timely, clockwork, by the book, or rules blogger/ vlogger, but....I just do things by my own book. I am here to share with you guys and be very transparent and truthful. I must say, everything is so fast paced, and I feel like I need to hurry and get things done. Well, that doesn't fit into my lifestyle. So, with that being said, I must let you guys in on a little secret. I have been on a semi hiatus. I know, it sounds like a cop out or a simple hide out. But it's been a little over a year since I lost my husband. It still hurts, I'm still confused and I'm still in disbelief. But it is getting easier to understand. I can tell you, death of a spouse is something that you just can't jump into okays-ville with.  Any death for that matter. At least I can't, let me know if you know of anyone that can. We all will have a time where we will need to heal. It won't be the same time or thing, but it will be healing just the same.

These posts are going to be freeing for me but information for you. Sometimes as believers in Christ we can run into rivers, pools, or even plain ocean waters. Unlike a lot of you, I can't swim. I have no intentions on learning. Guess we all know where this is going. So the majority of my Christian life I have trusted God pretty much. I have 3 beautiful sons, well handsome. Can I just be real transparent here on this blog? Boys and men are two very different names for this gender. I have three handsome men, and I love them all the same. But their lives are not mine to live. I had to really deal with that, and trust that God would have my best interest at heart.

You know, a lot of people get down, depressed, feeling low. You know that feeling of defeat, the one that makes you feel like you just want to be alone, not talk to anyone, just hide from the world. Yea, that feeling. Well, I get that way a lot, and I find that music is my go-to. Sometimes it's the bible reading to me on You Version, other times it's watching Pastors Myles and DaLana Rutherford, Dr. Rod Parsley or Pastor Tamera Bennett online. But my go to feel better, is music. I have a ton of faves, but situation songs are my medicine.